"Group Therapy"
Psychologist: "Welcome to today's session everyone."
Strago: "I don't belong here!"
Psychologist: "Strago, all of you belong here for your own reasons."
Relm: "Yeah! Be quite old man."
Psychologist: "Let's begin by going around the circle and talking about our day. You first Gau."
Gau: "I play with Umaro today! Awuuu! Can't wait til tomorrow!"
Psychologist: "What are you going to do tomorrow with Umaro?"
Gau: "I'm going to be on top! Awuuuu!"
Umaro: "Uuh! Uh!"
Psychologist: "Is that so..."
Setzer: "Eww."
Psychologist: "Ahem, you're next Edgar."
Edgar: "I got laid!!"
Locke: "Yeah! Go Edgar."
Sabin: "Wohoo! Alright!"
Celes: "Argh! Men."
Psychologist: "And you Sabin?"
Sabin: "I lifted weights all day and then kissed my biceps while looking into a mirror."
Psychologist: "Good. Good."
Terra: "I helped the children build a room for the baby."
Psychologist: "Tell the children I said hi."
Locke: "I went on a date with Celes."
Celes: (blushes) "It was beautiful."
Psychologist: "Aww how sweet."
Setzer: "I gambled and drank beer all day after I woke up in a puddle of my own vomit."
Psychologist: "Hmm good for you."
Mog: "I woke up next to Setzer with a cigarette in my hand and a rubber glove on my other hand."
Psychologist: "Is that so... I understand the cigarette but why the rubber glove?"
Mog: "I don't know..."
Setzer: (shudders) "I need another beer."
Psychologist: "Your turn Relm."
Relm: "I painted your picture and used it to scare Strago."
Psychologist: "...I'm flattered."
Strago: "I won't forget that, Relm! I spent the whole day trying to get rid of that accursed painting! Curse you, you little brat!"
Relm: "Hush up gramps!"
Psychologist: "And your day Gogo?"
Gogo: "And your day Gogo?"
Psychologist: "Gogo, we already talked about this. Why do you continue with the miming act?"
Gogo: "Gogo, we already talked about this. Why do you continue with the miming act?"
Psychologist: "Nevermind. I'll resolve your situation later. Okay so that's everyone. I have a couple questions to ask you Edgar."
Edgar: "Okay, shoot."
Psychologist:"So you're the type of man that really loves women. How often do you flirt with them?"
Edgar: "Any chance I get but mostly when I visit the local bar and in my castle. I know exactly what the girls like!"
Psychologist: "That's what makes me wonder Edgar, you seem to only flirt with the women."
Sabin: "Yeah now that I think about it all you do is flirt. I've never actually seen you intimate with a woman."
Edgar: (gets nervous)
Psychologist: "It's okay Edgar, being gay is perfectly normal. You shouldn't be afraid to hide it and pretend to like women."
Setzer: "HA! I knew it!"
Strago: "God damn it!" (hands Setzer 20 gold pieces)
Setzer: (gives Mog a leer) "C'mon, give it up."
Mog: (growls) (hands Setzer 50 gold pieces)
Celes: "You three had a bet? How could you!?"
Terra: "Yeah! How could you!? Peoples' sexuality shouldn't be gambled with!"
Celes: "You three should've told me! I knew from the beginning that Edgar rides the rainbow! Damn it I could've made some good money!"
Terra: (gasps) "Celes!"
Edgar: "Alright fine! I admit! I'm gay! Happy now?!"
Gau: "Gau happy! Gau very very happy!!"
Umaro: "Uuh uh! Uh! Happy!!"
Psychologist: "Calm down everyone. You should accept Edgar's true sexuality and comfort him."
Locke: "Comfort him!? Not me."
Gau: "Gau comfort! Gau comfort in 69 ways!"
Umaro: "Uuh uh! Me middle!"
Sabin: "Well, whatever floats your boat!"
Edgar: "Thanks... I guess."
Psychologist: "That reminds me of another issue. Sabin, there's something I need to tell you. In my private sessions with everyone, I learned one more thing about Edgar that I feel must be revealed now."
Edgar: (gets nervous again)
Sabin: "Wha—what is it?"
Psychologist: "Edgar is not your real brother."
Celes: "...because I am."
Locke: "AAHHH!!!" (passes out)
Sabin: "Holy shit!!"
Edgar: "It's true, Sabin."
Strago: "Oh my…"
Setzer: (sings) "Ooooh Mooog"
Mog: "Damn it!" (hands Setzer 80 gold pieces)
Terra: "You had a bet on that too??"
Gogo: (imitates Locke passing out)
Celes: "I tried to tell you, Sabin but I couldn't find the right time."
Sabin: "But but… you look so much like a girl. How could you be my freakin brother?!"
Celes: "Would you like me to strip?"
Umaro: "Uuuuuh uh yes uh!!"
Gau: "Gau want to seeeeeeee!"
Setzer: "NO! Please! That won't be necessary."
Locke: (is still passed out)
Relm: "Celes has a weewee??"
Strago: "Relm, pretend to be asleep."
Sabin: "All these years… all the times we shared... and Edgar wasn't my brother?! How the hell did this happen??"
Psychologist: "We'll discuss that later, Sabin. The process of accepting a drag queen for a brother will be hard but as long as you believe in yourself everything will be alright."
Celes: "It's true, I am a man."
Setzer: "I knew it all along! Celes is unusually strong for a female."
Mog: "I should've known! I've always wondered why Celes always tried to cover her crouch whenever Locke was around"
Terra: "This whole time you've been able to fool Locke?"
Celes: "I just tell him that I wear thick underwear. I also make sure my bra is nicely stuffed each time I see him."
Gau: "Gau try that! Gau like ideas!"
Mog: "Have any beer left, Setzer?"
Setzer: "Sorry Mog, no more. By the way, its time for your Prozac."
Mog: "Oh thanks for reminding me."
Setzer: "Hey everyone, let's try to wake up Locke!"
Strago: "Yeah! What a scene that'll be!"
Terra: "You two are so mean!"
Relm: "I'll grab a chair and whack him!"
Strago: "Go back to sleep, Relm!!"
Psychologist: "Let Locke wake up by himself. Sooner or later he will have to face this reality about Celes. In the meantime we have more things to discuss."
Setzer: "But I still don't understand how Locke never picked up a clue about this. His head must be thicker than my airship!"
Celes: "Get over it, sweet cheeks." (winks at him)
Setzer: "Ughh don't call me what."
Psychologist: "It's time for another subject."
Strago: "How the hell could Locke not notice something like THAT?!"
Mog: (starts giggling uncontrollably)
Relm: "EEK he's doing it again!"
Mog: (falls off his chair and rolls around the floor, still giggling uncontrollably)
Psychologist: "Somebody grab him quickly!"
Setzer: "I warned him not to take too many Prozac pills."
Gogo: (silently imitates Mog laughing uncontrollably)
Sabin: (runs to Mog and holds him to the floor) "Pull yourself together, man!"
Mog: (starts foaming at the mouth, still giggling uncontrollably)
Terra: "Oh my..."
Sabin: "He's fidgeting too violently. Hey Umaro! Gau! I need your help you." (looks their direction and gasps) (enters a state of shock from overwhelment of disgust)
Gau & Umaro: (having mad sweaty sex)
Psychologist: "GAU! UMARO!! There's a time and a place for everything but now is not the time to satisfy your sexual desires!"
Relm: "EWW!!" (starts to cry)
Edgar: "And none of us didn't notice until now..."
Strago: (looks at them curiously) "Wow I never knew that position was possible!"
Celes: "Wow I never imagined that Umaro was that flexible!"
Gogo: (imitates that sexual position with his chair)
Sabin: (still in shock)
Mog: (escapes Sabin's grasp and jumps onto Locke's lap)
Locke: (quietly wakes up and sees Mog giggling uncontrollably right in front of him as foam continues to gather around his mouth) "WHAT THE HELL?!"
Celes: "Good morning, honey" (waves)
Locke: (looks over to Celes) "Ah--" (instantly passes out)
Gau & Umaro: (still having mad sweaty sex)
Psychologist: (throws his clipboard to the floor) "THAT'S IT!! You people are hopeless!" (no one notices him) "...ARRGGHH!!!" (furiously exits the room)
Cyan: (walks into the room) (wonders why the psychologist just walked out) (looks around in shock) "Uhh..."
Strago/Celes/Edgar/Setzer: (looking at Gau and Umaro with curiosity)
Relm: "EEK I'm too young to see so many weewee's!"
Sabin: (still in shock)
Mog: (hopping around the room doing his dances while laughing uncontrollably)
Terra: (gently looks at Cyan) "I think its best that you don't ask..."
Cyan: (stands in silence not sure what to say)
THE END